Mr. Sensitive Guy

Alright. You asked for it. This is the story of the first date I made through the online match-making thingy.


We email back and forth a few times. I have a few 10 minute phone conversations with him. He asks me to lunch. I agree to meet him (after thoroughly researching his personal credentials and confirming for a fact that he is who he says he is, of course). So we schedule to meet in a very public place and I call my sister to tell her where I am and who I am with (see! I'm very careful!).

I arrive, fashionably late, and walk into the restaurant and scan the room for the face of the guy in the pictures. And don't see it. Instead I see some dude with a trying-to-hide-my-receding-hairline-with-a-bad-80's-do beckoning to me. Oh, good. It's him.

I walk over and say hello, smiling politely. He stands up and spreads his arms open, going in for the hug. I deftly grab one of his limp little hands and shake it firmly before the embrace can occur (score one for me!).

We sit down and begin chatting politely about nothing. His eyes are boring into my face with an uncomfortable intensity. He says, "Ok, let me see those green eyes!" (my online image is in B&W) and leans forward to look into my eyes....as if I wasn't uncomfortable enough. So, I look him in the eyes with an unwavering intensity (and probably a scowling face) that cuts short his irritating stare so that he quickly compliments my lovely eyes and looks away. He then, apparently just desperate for a compliment from me, makes a reference to his own eye, asking me what I thought. I told him in a very non-committal voice that he had "nice eyes" (which he didn't). It just seemed impolite not to, I guess, when he was begging for it SO hard.

We ordered and ate and chatted. He told me how he only ever dated one woman at a time and I told him how I was just dating all sorts of guys. Over the main course, he told me how he felt like we had really made a spiritual connection with one another. I just stared at him incredulously and then told him I really was just looking to make some friends. He tried hard to pour out his heart and soul to me and I fought tooth and nail not to let him. Keep it light, make jokes, anything to make him stop thinking he's smitten with me and to make it clear that I was NOT smitten with HIM. I talked about guns and hunting and my affinity for knives and martial arts and my prowess with a handgun (I felt that these things would all be very foreign and frightening to him). No luck. He thought it was "cute", which made my dislike of him grow ten-fold. What a moron.

We ended the meal with him walking me to my car. Apparently I gave off enough of a "back-off, buddy" vibe that even he didn't feel the need to attempt another hug. I reiterated my position that perhaps we could be "friends". He settled for a handshake and we parted ways, me taking a carefully circuitous route home to avoid any possibility of being followed. Can't be too careful.

That evening, I receive an email from him. He feels that we really have so much in common and that our lunch date is the beginning of something life-changing for both of us (WHAT??!!). He implies that I had been thinking about him for a long time before and after our first meeting (GAG!!) and he'd been thinking of me, too (again, GAG!). He says that we should go out again that weekend and to wear something casual because he has planned an adventure for us---a surprise! (AAAAHHHHH!!). He indicates that all of our "dates" should now be referred to as "adventures"(???).

After struggling hard to keep my dinner down, I wrote back with a polite thanks for lunch and an excuse for not going out on an "adventure" with him that weekend. I'm trying to be nice, see? I kind of feel sorry for the guy, just because he's obviously SO clueless. He emailed a few more times over the holidays and my return messages just kept getting shorter and shorter as my patience wore thinner and thinner. I didn't respond to his last email and he hasn't sent anymore. Hopefully, it's starting to sink in---he has NOT found his soul mate in me.

For a self-proclaimed "sensitive" guy, he was certainly insensitive to the aura of "I don't dig you, AT. ALL." emanating in waves from my person and from my emails. Geez.


***UPDATE: I looked at Mr. S's info on the Matchmaking sight and he has changed his marital status from DIVORCED to WIDOWED! What a decietful slimeball!!! AND he sent me another email this morning asking for me to just be his friend 'cause he needed a friend to help him find "closure". He suggested that we should go out again "as friends". YUCK! I feel like I need a shower just from receiving his email!! I don't know whether to ignore him or call him on the carpet about such deliberate deceit. YUCK.